I choose the latter.

I honestly want to die. I feel like I’m dying slowly and since I’m a punk when it comes to pain, I would like to end it before it gets physically painful. It so hard to watch my hands shake as if I’m naked in the Arctic while lifting a spoon to my mouth.

A list of symptoms:

1.Hand tremors

2. Fatigue

3. Drowsiness

4. Frequent use of the restroom

5 .Inability to sleep through the night

6. Muscle twitching

For the whole week I have been thinking about cutting my wrist vertically (that is the way you do it if you want to end it all). I just want to bleed out the way I’m most comfortable, which is cutting. While thinking about it I think of my mother that didn’t get to see me blossom into the piece of shit that I am. My father too. I don’t want to cause them pain. But, which is worst: me living in pain or not having to deal with anything anymore? I choose the latter.

* disclaimer; I’m not going to…I guess, who knows. But yeah, this little “disclaimer” is for my therapists.